Escaping Sexuality

I’ve often wondered what my sexuality is, really.  Considering that I’ve never had a relationship, how would I really, intently and without a doubt, know?  Not all people reach a point where they question their sexuality, some might not be open to the idea of even asking, but at this point, and a bit older, I’m wondering for myself.

It’s not right though, if I question it; how is something that supposed to be natural, a sort of feeling, and an attraction, be questioned?  It’s not something you suddenly decide upon, there’s not reflection needed, is there?

I’ve long ago considered myself straight.  I’ve never been sexually attracted to women.  Sure I find them attractive, but the mere idea of going down there does not feel natural for me.  That fact alone will prevent me from actually engaging myself with another woman, in that sort of way.  However, I find that being in a more sincere, more psychological and emotional level of relationship with them is something I am attracted to, indeed.

On the other hand, the act itself is something that I am inclined to do with men.  My attraction to them is more physical really.  Unfortunately, saying that I am universally attracted to them is quite iffy.  Of all the men who have passed before my eyes, I would have to say that I’ve only found about 5 who I have considered attractive.

It’s also possible though, that I’m not really attracted to people easily, which is why I’m reaching a point of questioning – being contrary to my 2^nd paragraph.

Attraction, ultimately, is not actually given because someone happens to be male or female.  What I find more attractive could be the person themselves.  I find the personality, characteristics, and interests more attractive.  For lack of a better term, I should identify myself as pansexual, someone who is attracted to the person regardless of sex.