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could it be that everything goes 'round by chance?
or only one way that was always meant to be?

dissolving tomorrow

January 29, 2009

“There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown hopeless about them.” - Clare Boothe Luce

 

Rarely do I read the newspaper…maybe because I don’t find a point in updating myself with chaos going around the world.  I do know that there is war in Gaza, that the president of Myanmar is imprisoned but that’s it, I would stop there.  I would not want to know the scorching details of a child molested and left for death, nor the massacre of a starving family who was not able to pay their debts.  The media glamorizes such sad stories, print them in newspapers and hope to dear that they get payed.

 

I used to desire to be a journalist, but sometimes it’s too much.  When is information just too much?  I understand that the media is able to depict real life situations.  People would be able to grasps the reality of life and how it is really hopeless for more than half the population.  But media is not really my topic right now, it is about hopelessness.

 

Earlier, I was reading an article about a man going home because he was fired from a job, so was his wife.  He and his wife decided that there isn’t any point in living anymore, so he kills his five children, his wife, then himself.  It is disappointing to see that human beings really go that low.  Is life determined by work?  Why didn’t they just go and find another job?  I am in no position to judge since I don’t know how it actually feels, but I am an idealist and it saddens me that in reality, people seem to have their lives determined by their wealth probably.

 

Did they not have any goal in their life?  Maybe it was their goal to raise a family, sure, but even having been fired, they could still do that.  Can one event deter a person from achieving their goals?  If it is really a sought after goal, a real purpose, would instances and challenges waver a person from pursuing these goals?  I don’t think it should.  However, it could also happen that because of that instance, the goal just suddenly disappeared as well.  Isn’t that the reason why people commit suicide?

 

Is suicide an action of a person who faces a problem, or have experienced something traumatic?  Or is suicide an action of a person who can’t seem to find meaning and purpose for his/her own life?

 

Yet, amidst that fact of a sudden lack of purpose, how come starving people in Africa are still able to hope?

 

I don’t know how I would respond if faced with the same situation.  Now, I have a goal and there are a lot of challenges that blocks my way from getting that goal.  What is all of a sudden, that goal is gone, or that I can’t fight the challenges anymore?  Would I have another goal, or would I simply dissolve tomorrow?

 

***

I won’t dissolve my goal because I am too much of a coward to do so.  Morals and ethics would prevent me.  But if I don’t have morals and ethics?

 

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melting clocks

January 25, 2009

 ”Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime, doubly so.” - Douglas Adam

Even though I know I am a total idiot while trying to express my thoughts and writing in English, I still miss writing.

Can you believe that exactly a month ago was Christmas?  I can’t.  It feels so long ago, but it was indeed just a month ago.  A lot of things had happened since then, only a few of which I am happy about, most of them are school requirements that are being done without any emotions.  When I don’t like what I do, there is not passion in the final outcome, there is no “me” in it.  I simply act like a robot just to get the thing done and hopefully get a higher mark.  This is what happens when there are a lot of things to do, and you can’t seem to know how to balance them.

I usually take pride in my anti-cram, time management capabilities, however, it seems impossible at this given rate.  The demands of school had taken a new kind of twist, so sinister that untangling it will take forever.  Usually, there are a few big requirements which needs long periods of time in order to finish.  And then there are a few smaller requirements that needs to be done simultaneously with these big requirements.  The new twist is, there are a lot of big requirements which needs long periods of time and there are a lot of also big requirements that needs to be done simultaneously which needs long periods of time but the teacher things it does not.  Therefore, there is twice as big requirements and half the time.

Anyway, last week, while in the hunt for the perfect OJT or internship, I found a job that loudly yells me.   It is an International NGO which deals with humanitarian action..more specifically action that deals with Human Rights violation, any guesses?

I am also thinking about revealing who I am.  Or just stop writing in theis blog, delete it, and make another one with my real name on it.

It is just so hard to do with all the memories written already.  They are more me, than the me people know.  They are more real than the me I reveal.  Maybe I just don’t want my thoughts and stories to be related to the me that people know.

 

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a free ride, when you already paid

January 8, 2009
“Humor brings insight and tolerance.  Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding” - Agnes Repplier
 
Irony is one of my little source of joy.  I like encountering irony in my everyday life; the moment of a sudden pause only to realize that something ironic happened.  It’s a weird and ephemeral moment that makes me feel all tingly inside.  Isn’t that weird?  However, after watching the last two seasons of a show that is already cancelled, I realized that irony does not always give that feeling, more often than not, the irony of life causes devastation to a lot of people.
 
But before I go to that, I would just like to mention this show that I discovered two years ago.  I watched only one season and then stopped, and only recently did I rediscover that I actually liked the show.  When I rediscovered it, I found out that it was already cancelled so no more of that.  (see, an irony just there!)  I am only able to watch this in the internet due to it not being aired here in the Philippines.  So, what’s this show I’ve been rambling on about? It’s entitled “South of Nowhere”.
 
 
As can be infered from the photo above, the story is about two girls.  Although there are other various subplots that resides in the show, about their family and friends, the focus is on the ongoing romance between these two girls.  Watching this show does not make me gay, but I like unconventional love, so it’s very interesting and sort of addicting in its own way.
 
The story starts with the Carlin family moving to Los Angeles.  They then have to start anew with their lives.  Spencer (left) met Ashley (right) in school where they develop a friendship.  Through Ashley, Spencer realized that she was in fact, attracted to girls.  After a lot of drama, this is of course a drama show, they end up together…that’s the first season.  The second season focuses on their relationship amidst external factors like family and old flames and whateverelse came.  And finally, the third season is about growing up, maturity of everyone involved, in a sense.
 
Which brings me to the irony of life.  The Church forbids homosexuality since it is against the laws of reproduction.  They don’t consider homosexuals as human beings because they are living a life that is perpendicular to what is normal.  On the other hand, we were all brought up to be who we are, to show the world who we are.  There is always the notion that should not try to be anyone other than ourselves.  Wouldn’t it be devastating indeed if one is in that situation?  To choose because there are only two sides?
 
Why couldn’t there just exist a third side?  Why does it always have to be with them, or against them?
 
In the end, why do people have to abide to a certain norm?  Why not create their own norm?  That is to say, are they not free to do so?
 
I would very much like to dwell on that furthermore, but right now.  I am damn tired.
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