the whisper of love

“Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries, it can’t separate people from love.  It can’t take away our memories either.  In the end, life is stronger than death.”

The names Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio were the first two names of famous people that I came to know in my entire life, I was 8 years old.  I was 8 years old and I fell in love with the movie Titanic, like everyone else.  Sure sure, there are a lot of critiques who hate it, or thinks it’s cliché and whateverelse have you, but I love it.  Before the advent of Serendipity, it was my favorite movie of all time.

Today, I watched it for the nth time and I was suprised that during the last hour of the movie, I was crying.  I couldn’t believe that a movie I have encrypted in my head could still possible make me cry.  The impact was so strong that it felt like I was watching it for the first time.  The movie is just incredible.  Forbidden love is sometimes the most romantic love  Although their love was so young and they were so young, they were willing to be together even during the tragedy.  My heart was aching all over.  I want to feel that, so here I am again, ranting about my lack of a love life.

Maybe it’s Jack’s spontaneity, I want that. I’m the most “unspontaneous” person that I know.  I am so tied down with obligations, deadlines and all those crap and responsibilities that I often fail to appreciate each moment of my life.  I’m always moving that sometimes, I would just like life to actually stop so that I can breathe.  Maybe it is my inability to actually show what I feel.  I’m certainly expressive but in actuality, there is still a deep ocean inside me that needs to be released.  It is so hard.

Yesterday, my friends and I were watching movies and they are all about love.  We were four then and two of them have a significant other.  They were all gushy gushy because it is still early in the relationship and that is where the romantic part is.  My other friend and I were quiet because we don’t really know what they feel.  We are both hopeless romantics because we are romantics.  Because of all the books and movies that linger in our brains, there has been a build up of romanticisms and reality does not live up to that.  So it’s sad.

I want to experience all those firsts, the romantic parts.  The first walk under the rain.  The first movie together.  The first dinner.  The first moment of touching hands.  The first cry of joy because of love.  The first letter.  The first chocolate and rose.  The first sharing of ice cream.  The first out-of-town travel.  The first hug.  The first kiss.  All of these would forever be kept in the vault of my memory when (if) they happen.

So now, I’m sitting here, feeling how hard it is.  People might not understand why it’s actually hard, but it is.  The anticipation is difficult.