“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential” - Winston Churchill

 

Today, our grades for the first semester of this school year were released.  I did okay, if not, the best set of grades I’ve ever acquired throughout my stay in the University.  Ultimately, I only had two goals when I was carrying it out through the semester; to accumulate grades that are high enough for me to be allowed to run for a specific position in my organization, and to consistently gt a specific amount so that I’ll be viable for my desired school for a Master’s degree.  Upon seeing my grades, little did I know that something else is possible, that maybe for the first time ever, I could become an Honor Student.  Maybe if I also concentrated on achieving this goal I would have been an Honor Student.  I limited myself too much that other possible goals were left out so here I am, sitting with my highest grades ever in my entire life and only a mere decimal point away from achieving something I’ve already given up on and thought impossible.

 

Sure, there are lots of people who are consistently part of the Dean’s List, and even in the honor roll during elementary and high school, but I’m never part of that group of people.   I am never one with those that are smart enough to get into the job they want without even trying.  I’m the person who always has to work extra hard in order to get things done and in order to achieve things for myself.  These things are not natural for me like they are for many people I know.  It is just because I’m not smart enough.

 

Intelligence is something I always envy other people for having.  I am forever surrounded by people who are gifted with it and that being with them makes me feel more dumb.  Usually, I don’t mind not being a Dean’s Lister, I don’t feel the pressure of performing the task consistently nor do I feel the need to always present myself with that tag beside my name (Noelle Lain - Dean’s Lister).  However, there are times that I would just like to trade all my other talents and skills just to acquire that type of intelligence.  Sometimes, I would rather be a nerd and fully concentrate on my studies than be a person of variety.  While thinking this, I discovered something about myself.  I am a “jack of all trades, master of none.”  I can do lots of things but I most certainly am not linked to one specialty (Noelle Lain - musician, Noelle Lain - writer).  So sometimes, these things just suck.

 

So anyway, I realize I’m blabbing but I don’t really care.  At least in this foresaken site, I am not pressured to be someone, I am not pressured to represent a certain type of intelligence or skill to determine who I am.  Plus, for some absurd reason, I take comfort in the fact that more often than not, those nerds and intelligent people remain nerds and intelligent people, they don’t tend to be more successful than ordinary people in the future  mainly because they are always afraid of failing so they would rather not take risks.  It’s a cynical thought, at least it helps me sleep at night.