dimming rays, shining rays.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.  Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” - Helen Keller

I can probably assure that August is the most tiring month I’ve experienced this year.  I’ve had a lot of downfalls. I’m always tired.  I’ve encountered so many obstacles in this one month than I’ve had in the first three months of the year, given that the first three months were filled with Accounting, papers, election, fatigue.  The good thing though is that, in this single month, I’ve learned a lot about myself that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise if this month was just like the rest.

I learned that when you persevere, people would do anything they can, even against their will, to address your issue at hand.

I learned that insistence will make people finally listen to you, that is if what you are insisting is logical.

I learned that knowledge would only get you as far, determination would get you farther.

I learned that strength is essential for people to admire you.

I learned that I’m better than what I give myself credit for.

I don’t give myself credit enough as a matter of fact.  All I wanted to do was prove myself in all aspects of life.  When I was in elementary, I was the biggest loser.  The batch was divided into two: the lesbians and the not.  A quarter looked like boys, the other quarter dates the ones that look like boys, the next quarter pretends they are cool and the last quarter are the losers because they don’t try to act like expected.  That is how I perceive my elementary life, superficial and dull.  So I got teased quite often because I was quiet.  I got teased because I didn’t try to fit in.  As pathetic as it sound, I got teased because my friends are just like me, leading a very humble and low life.

Even in highschool, even if I got the recognition that I wanted, I still didn’t feel that I belonged.  I love my highschool friends, but everything is about proving yourself.   I wanted to study in this big University in order to prove to everyone else that I can do it.  I did unbelievable things just so that I can prove my worth.  But why do I need to prove myself?  Nonetheless, all my effort seems pointless because there would and would always be someone who would outshine me in every aspect I thought I was able to prove.

However, after this month, I proved myself, even just to myself, that I can do anything I want.