written on stone

There are really those people whom you’ll never get along no matter how you try.  There might be times that you feel that you successful broke the barrier and could finally relate well with the person, however, it’s so ephemeral that you don’t know what has gone wrong.  I met her 2 years ago, I thought I will go along very great with her, but no.  I do the best I can, invited her to a sold out concert, brought her to a patron seat of our school versus its archrival game, during the finals!  During those moments, you feel that whatever wall is separating you two from understanding each other is broken.  Unknown to you, it will never be broken.  She is just one of the few person whom everyone else gets along just fine with except you.  Maybe it’s her problem not yours.  I don’t know whom to tell this to, my friends are her friends as well.

She is the type of person who will try to make you feel pity for her instead of for yourself.  For instance, you both came from a difficult test, you feel sad about it, but she will say that her set seemed harder, so you feel ashamed of feeling sad about yourself, her wanting you to change your pity to.  It isn’t nice.  She is also the type of person who feels that everything she says is right so you’ll just shut up and let her have her pseudo glory. 

metamorphosis

I think I changed, not as if they tell me I did.  Ever since I stepped in the line of leadership, I think, rather, I feel I changed.  I’m no longer the person I was.  I feel more superior, snobbish even….and I would rather be a member if it will amount to that.  I suddenly make excuses to be exempt from doing something because I always tell them I’m busy, they understand however.  I’m not really that busy.  What do you think happened?
Recently, my bestfriend did lots of changes on herself.  She deleted parts of herself, came to understand herself more and formed a realization.  I haven’t seen her since October, but from this far away point-of-view, I can feel her changes.  Luckily for her, it was for the better.  Since then, I felt the need to change myself, I didn’t get around to do the changing and realizing what needs to be changed though.  So I didn’t partake on the changes happening around me and simply relied on the flow.  Unfortunately, I did change and people around me are changing their approach towards me as well.

When I was in gradeschool, I often here people comment about me and ask me why I always smile as if nothing is wrong.  I got it in recollection letters and even frontal.  They would always ask "Bakit ka palagi nakangiti." and my answer will always be, "because there’s nothing to be sad about."  Maybe it was because of their comment that I suddenly felt insecure.  Up until college, I maintained my smile.  I greeted all the people I know when passing them, until maybe, I realize they don’t appreciate it.  Recently, we were sharing all our feelings with each other, me and my fellow officers.  Several of them told me their "apprehension" to talk to me because they thought I was snobbish and always impatient.  I was offended, but maybe it was true.  When I greet people and they don’t smile back, maybe I no longer felt the need to greet as well: "why bother?"

It was due to the society I believe.  I want to become who I was, in terms of friendliness, when I was in gradeschool.

Changes, they say, should always be for the better, why would you change if you are already great right?  Why then did I even try to change when who I was was who I really am. 

submerged in longing

As always when I write, I feel very sentimental, or whatever.  I just finished reading a romance novel.  One by Nicholas Sparks, so it’s not contra-feminist, as I tried to prove in my paper last term.  I proved it effectively, I proved one thing and contradicted myself after, still proved the reality of both sides.  Romance novels are contra-feminist, regard the mediocre simpleton characteristics of the woman, however in a slightest chance as we are unfolding the 21st century, various feminist once emerged.  As I was saying, I just finished another of his novels, I don’t read much of him because I prefer human-pain stories,  I’ll expound why.  I like reading those that depict human pain because I would like to see how they are able to handle it and how they would, in the end, arise victorious.  I don’t take fond on their pain and suffering, but I take fond on their strength. 

Coming back to Nicholas Sparks, as most of his novels, it left me feeling sad.  Sad once again, I am. It was the novel "Dear John".  I don’t want to expound on it, I’m not a critic but it always leaves me longing.  What should I say?  As I must have said thousands of times before, I’m longing.

lessons that i learn from voiceless materials.

Since I love to read, my mother once told me to write significant quotations I encounter in books.  I did what she suggested.  Whenever I read, I have a pen and my "quotes" notebook in hand and take down these lessons that I see.  Therefore, an extension blog was created in order to preserve and somewhat share to others lessons that I learn from voiceless materials.

http://undertheaquasketch.i.ph/blogs/betweenthenavyscripts

Also, take note of the particular pattern of my titles.  Under the aqua sketch…Between the navy scripts.  All imply positions.  There are symbolisms that I’m trying to convery.  And there is the presence of the color: shades of blue.  Well, whatever they may be.

soundtrack of my life

…just following the trend, it’s a little old, but I decided to do it now, just to see..

With thousands of songs in my playlist, the result might be silly. 

Opening Credits: So Long Astoria - The Ataris

First Day at School: Reinventing Your Exit - Underoath

Falling in Love: Look What You’ve Done - Jet

Breaking Up: Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind

Prom: The Rescue - American Hi-Fi

Mental Breakdown: 47 - Sunny Day Real Estate

Flashbacks: I’m With You - Avril Lavigne

Getting Back Together: So Damn Lucky  - Dave Matthews Band

Wedding Scene: Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin (what?)

Final Battle: As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional

Death Scene: Time is Running Out - Mae (wow, this fits.)

Funeral Song: Bound to Happen -The Spill Canvas

End Credits: The Unwinding Cable Car - Anberlin

Finale: Glad - Tyler Hilton

******

If my life was a movie, I wouldn’t want to live with this soundtrack, it doesn’t makes sense, it makes fun of my existence.

We just got back from our family vacation, we went to Cagayan de Oro/Camiguin.  It was incredible, I love this country.