an ironic reaction

I saw them walking, softly ignoring each other, to an outsider, they are strangers.  I avoided looking at them, staring at them as if I’m a subtle spectator.  And then the guy hastly approach her, as if she would disappear if they get too far away from each other.  He then placed one arm around her shoulders while they continued to walking.  Oblivious to everyone around them, he kissed her along the jaw, a peck, not worth-noticing, I noticed it nonetheless.  Why?  I’m so dramatic.  They are actions, when read in a book, brings shivers down your spine, enacting your hormones.  In real life, it doesn’t seem as wonderful, but when I observed them, it touched me what he did.  I want one, I begin to feel envious of them.  I’m not really like this, I usually ignore couples walking around.  But really really, I want one! Haha, doesn’t seem right though, because I know for myself that I won’t have one while I’m studying.  I might even be the one who walk away.  I might grow scared of the thought and turn around even before it starts.  However, it felt "kilig" when I watched them.  Why oh why do I have this no boyfriend till I graduate commitment with myself?  Who would even care then I?  They passed by fast, I didn’t get a chance to see what she did.

I’m tired, I’m tired of everything.  I’m tired of giving a 101% effort when it doesn’t pay off.  I’m tired of constantly trying to prove to everyone around me that I’m just as good as them, maybe better.  I’m tired of fighting for my dreams when people around me don’t understand why I have such dreams.  I’m tired of faking a smile when they don’t bother to give me one back.  I’m tired of pretending I’m not tired when deep inside, I’m really exhausted.