the reduced credentials

I took a risk, as I said before, and it paid off, I’m very glad to say!

Anyway, my life’s been a roller coaster this past few weeks.  I can’t sleep at night even though I have lots of time to do so.  I spend my nights lying on my bed for about three hours before the sandman descends on me.  Maybe I feel very worried about something that haven’t come out yet.  Maybe it’s some sort of premonition that I would sooner or later face.  Whatever it is though, it is quite troublesome.  I’m scared shitless.

I might fail this semester, a subject or two.  Hopefully though, not.  I was in my highest point of college life last semester, this semester made last semester look like a fluke.  I hope last semester wasn’t a fluke, I really did my best.  I’m still doing pretty good, but it is as if all my effort had been blocked now and that I’m not really doing my best to stay on top of my game.  Yes, I ran for council and that I’ve been learning things that I’ve never known before like jeepneys not having hand breaks (see, I listen in class) but it is not paying off! I’ve been an air head this few days, since the start of 2008.  My focus is loose.  My mind keeps on travelling to places unknown and I stare idle for long periods of time.  What is wrong with me?  Am I giving up?  Gosh, I hope not.  I still have two years to go before I graduate.  I still have hopes and dreams to fulfill while I’m in school.  I wish my idle moments would go away and I should make myself more productive than ever.  The feeling is really hard to describe.  It is as if time just flies by, and although I manage to do everything asked of me, I do the most mediocre job, as if just to get the work done.

I’m going to work really hard now.  I’ve got to get my momentum going and my focus clear.  Everyday should be worth taking note of.  Every moment makes me older and every circumstance I learn a lesson. I mean come on, I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t work just to be able to go to school, I don’t have anymore responsibilities than being the eldest sibling and being a student, why am I so caught up then??