fond moments

It is near Christmas and I'm quite excited.

When was the last time I actually felt excited for Christmas?  I can't actually remember.  In the past few years, Christmas merely seemed like an annual occasion when we are forced to shell out cash, meet unwanted relatives and be "good" for a couple of days.  Those were my puberty years, at least.  But I think I've matured now.   I am seeing the true meaning of Christmas today.  It seems that even though I grew older, my heart grew younger for the yearning of Christmas.  Although this Christmas break might as well been a working break, it still feels good though.

Anyway, Joyeux Noël Bonne Année!

voices left unheard

God spoke to me in a very concise manner.  He must have been speaking long, answering me while I talk to Him discreetly, but it took while for me to comprehend, He was comforting me in the most miraculous way.

I wasn’t planning on smiling yesterday, even for a second, after the tragedy of my Accounting exam the other night.  I planned on mopping the whole day along with my peers and every one else who took Accounting.  We have been training pingpong, mastered it’s arts and manuevers, not knowing that we will be battling in tennis instead.  I’ve been praying and God knows how intent I was that I pass this Accounting exam, to hell, get an A to prove something to the world.  I made lots of sure answers but the bigger points went to waste when I couldn’t balance the problem.  Despising everything in the world was my plan at 10:00 pm on Monday after the exam.  But I still prayed to Him for some divine intervention.

While going to school, I drove as fast as possible, almost hitting other cars twice.  I went to the gym for some relief which didn’t actually help as I was smug the whole time.  After gym, I went to get some light breakfast.  I passed the book sale going on on one of the buildings.  I saw a couple of people putting things together for the sale of the day.  For some very strange reason, I stared at them while I was walking away to where I was suppose to buy food.  While I waited for the food, I decided to enter a the book store in my school.  It was here that I found the 12th book in my list and it suddenly occurred to me that this would be a perfect gift for my father.  The title “The Twelfth Angel” by Og Mandino.  Interesting. 

Anyway, after getting the food, I was suppose to eat at the tables provided there but there were no vacancy so I decided to sit on the open benches in front of the book sale, they were still fixing books as I watched them. I wasn’t planning on going and to give in to temptation again by buying another book for I bought two from there less than a week ago.  But I was carried over there.  I did a little scanning and saw very good books that are quite rare here in the Philippines.  I slowly scanned each book.  And for some reason, I did an action I wouldn’t normally do, I opened the boxes of books that they haven’t stacked, as if I’m actually looking for something.  Funny indeed that I would find the most interesting book in the most unexpected place.  I found the 2nd book on my list “The Lovely Bones” by Alicia Sebold.  It is no longer sold in the Philippines and I thought I was going to die not having read the book but it was there.  It is as if in my instinct, I would find that book inside closed boxes.  I was very excited of course and bought the book without second thought.  I actually found the 1st book on my list, unfortunately, it was reserved and there was only one left, much like “The Lovely Bones”.  I settled for second but couldn’t care less.  It made me smile.

This might actually seem like an ordinary story.  Simple and might not actually have any effect on whoever would read this, but I actually felt something different on such a simple situation in my life.  It might have always been happening but I was too distracted to notice.

hello santa

I'm not really a "give me, give me" kind of person.  I usually buy the stuffs I want with a couple of money I save over long periods of time from my allowance, but hey, it's the Christmas season and of course I have a wish list of my own.  I know that I won't actually get all of them because they are way expensive and I don't know much people who would give away expensive items.  Anyway, I'm sure that I'll get one from the list though, from my parents.  They asked me what I want so I answered.

Here is my Christmas list:

1. The Complete Twilight Series by Stephanie Mayer (I'm sure I'll get this from my loving parents, I hope that I'll have the time to read them though since school is slowly becoming hectic)

2. A Sony Vaio laptop (I won't get this.  Hehe. I don't really care if it is not Sony, but I want a laptop!)

3. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult (This has been out of stock for quite some time now.. Oh why didn't I buy one when I saw one 3 months ago?!  What store was it again?) 

4. FullyBooked Gift Certificate (I'll love you forever)

5. Trip to Europe (Haha.)

6. Complete SCUBA Diving Gear (One of the things I must do before I die)

7. Sky Diving (Another of the things I must do before I die)

8. A VIP ticket to see Jimmy Eat World (They don't come to the Philippines, do they?)

9. An "A" in Accounting (would be the best give I'll ever receive)

10. Suzuki Jimny (The blue one.  This car is so cute.)

11. A Drum Set (To complete my band?!)

12. A French-English or English-French Dictionary (I need this)

Well those.  Hehe.  Absurd, I know.  Some are not though.  If I was writing this 4 years ago, I would have asked for the complete Jimmy Eat World discography.

This is the Christmas I would finally give presents to my parents and my brothers.  I'll really be spending.  I do hope that I don't go bankrupt.  Strangely, I actually feel excited for this Christmas.  I don't remember being excited for Christmas.  This would be my 19th Christmas ever in my 18 years of life.  Hmm.. I'm excited even though I'll shed money, we haven't done Christmas shopping and I have four long tests coming up.  Strange indeed.  Maybe I'm excited because this would be the Christmas I would give, and maybe, giving is more exciting than getting. 

a perfection, a curse

"An intimate portrait and an epic story of the courage we discover, the innocence we surrender, and the memories we cherish…..forever."

-is the tagline for a new found favorite movie I actually cut a class for earlier because we were required to watch it.  The tagline came from the movie "Malèna" which is an Italian movie about a woman whose only crime is her beauty while everyone around her starts spreading false rumors, and about a boy, who observed this woman from afar throughout her demise.

I love the movie, I love how it is presented and I love how it was able to compel me to express mixed emotions throughout the film.  It was very simple, set in a time where everyone knew everyone else in the village.  It was during the world war where Italy joined and that it was mandatory for certain people to participate in the war.  Malèna's husband was a soldier and she was left to tend to herself and her father in an unwelcoming village insecure of her beauty.  They started spreading stories of her, of her real intentions in staying in a village.  Everything eventually got out of hand and this is where you start hating everything that's happening.  And while her life is being led into a desperate turmoil, a certain twelve year old boy suddenly grew up from one sight of her.  He became obsessed with her and we look into the transformation he had figured while he observed her.

Its a good movie worth watching.  We watch two lives of people who were, in a way, forced to confirm to a society that has a set of unwritten ground rules. 

I was laughing, I was weirded, I was angered, I sympathized and together I love it.

summer blunders

Why am I writing about summer in the middle of a cold season?  Because I don't have that much money.

I tried conditioning and reasoning with myself that I didn't need to be with them because I'll be taking a Minor and I've got full-load until I graduate and I study all year round, but I still can't hide the fact that I want to go.  I want to go to the Summer Tour Program, to France, to leave and study with them and master the French language.  It would be very fun to be a teenager, exploring France, learning from there and earning a belt degree higher than other graduates because of the credentials of havig studied abroad.  All my friends are going, their parents will give them money.  I won't, because I don't want to be the "brat who asks lots of things" and be given 300,000 pesos to live in France for a month while they themselves have never stepped a foot in Europe.   It would be very selfish of me, so I look at the bright side: when we all graduate, at least I have two minors to go with my Bachelor's degree than one which would they have.  Plus, I plan to travel the world with my money with the career I plan to make with my degrees. 

All too idealistic?  Well yeah, but then again, idealism is the only reason why people still try to live.  People are idealistic about love and romance, about hope and faith, about money and careers.  Idealism is the reason I'm taking my course because I don't want to be like all the other people who go take Nursing even though they don't like it because of the realism of life.  I might die poor, living my life and idealisms, doing the things I love, than die rich, wasting my life trying to make money and doing the things I hate.