profoundly foresaken

The Philippines is indeed foresaken, but she is beautiful.

I pity what has come to be of my country, but I love this place, but I can't do anything, or won't.

Why?

I'm not really sure, but I also ask, why is the Philippines neglected?  We actually live in paradise if we think about it.  We have all sorts of tropical fruits, the weather is acceptable, and the nature is damn serene.  Ken of F4 went to Batanes and opted to buy a land, which is actually next to impossible, unless local citizens there stretch their rules a little.  When I went to Batanes, I said I would marry an Ivatan in order for me to buy a land there.  They said that they only sell their lands to Ivatans.  The reason: they don't want their beauty to be destroyed by human beings, the ultimate destruction earth faces.  Indeed, Batanes is the most beautiful place I've been to in the Philippines, but so are other provinces.  In Donsol, Sorsogon, I was able to swim with and touch a whale shark.  Amazing creatures.  In Palawan, I was able to eat lunch with Komodo Dragons walking around your feet.  In Bohol, I was able to eat on a floating boat across a majestic river.  In Cebu, I managed to dive with Nemo.  Even in Batangas, I was welcomed by a school of Jack; hundreds of Jacks swimming around me when I was just floating. 

Isn't it funny, we live in absolute paradise yet when it comes down to it, our ultimate goal is to leave this country?  When hundreds of foreigners come here and create resorts because for them, this place is magical?

In a previous entry I mentioned wanting to live in Tuscany, I still do.  It is because Tuscany reminds me of Batanes and in Tuscany, the probability of me having a house there is better than the probability of me having a house in Batanes.  In Tuscany, I must have money, in Batanes, I must be Ivatan. 

as i turn the pages

A friend asked me a question once: "Which do I prefer, movies or books?"

I thought for a while which I actually really liked better before answering.  Movies are feasts for the eye, yet books are feasts for the imagination.  I then answered "Depends on the genre."  However, for both books and movies, I prefer only certain genres: romance, drama, suspense, fantasy.  Generally, life.  If I were to either read or watch Star Wars or Matrix, if there is such a book, I would rather do the watching since all the special effects that would take place in the movie would never be expressed in the book.  Other than that, then yes, I prefer books over movies.

When you read a book, you see everything better. Why would an author write "when her hands lighted on his chest, not when her hair tickled his neck" (Picoult, Jodie "Salem Falls") if it is insignificant?  If you read that phrase directly from the book, you would feel the importance of that very line.  You would feel the emotion the author attached to that line.  You could see clearly the significance of a line for the characters.  These are gravities that would never be captured in the movie.  Although some movies might, in passing, actually practice such lines, the emotion that is meant to be passed to the viewers would never be delivered, unless a character says a significant line.

Why then do I prefer books?  Because books are captivating, and as I turn each page one by one, read each word one by one, I become more entranced to actually love every emotion that has come about in the book.

"When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me."  - W. Somerset Maugham

perfecting paradise

If only I'm in Tuscany now, then this break is perfect.  This would be too perfect.

The title for my entry sounds familiar, I'm not really sure why though.  I'm currently on my second week of my semestral break and let me tell you, it has been rest and relaxation so far.  During my first week, I managed to read five books, all of which were in the genre of romance.  Currently, I'm reading Blood Canticle by Anne Rice.  I've never read a book written by her but since I feel like dying knowing that my days of doing nothing is limited and that I should make use of it the best way I can, I felt the need to just read everything I can get my hands on.

And because my brain is in fantasy mode lately, meaning, pure fiction, I've already constructed the image of my dream house in my mind.  The setting is all too perfect.  It is more of the setting than the house, but the image of the house would soon materialize if I keep reading like this.  The setting of my house would be near the ocean but on top of a hill overlooking the vineyard that I wish to own someday.  The house, I imagine, would be of those centuries ago like the house in Pride and Prejudice but the setting is all too awesome to be actually real.  My house then would be in the province of some remote country where everyone knows everyone else and you can leave a cellphone by the street and get it back later.

Now, if I'm in this said house right now, reading, then that is paradise for me.  I'll just stay there and read, drink wine and probably go swimming since its one of my most dearest passion.

Have I mentioned that there should also be a yacht? 

i woke up and became human

Do we actually need a wake up call?  Well I thought I couldn't handle it at that moment.

I struggled throughout my first year in college knowing that I was in the waiting-list before I was accepted.  My first year wasn't very hard actually, it was high school, easy.  But I was stuck with the idea that I was merely in the waiting-list of my dream school and it tore me.  I got in the school anyway because of a bunch of appeals I had to make and even though, I felt dismayed.  My family and highschool friends said that I actually pass but did not get in the quota to make me feel better, but I wanted to feel great.  So I did struggled.  I almost failed my first semester and I thought that I would be dropped out when I finished my second semester because my QPI might have not been reached, you can just image how surprised I was when I saw a big boost in the grade.  I had summer classes after the first year and when that ended, I was very stricken that my grades where very high at the end, the types of grades that were impossible for me in highschool.

Today,  I am celebratring my first day of my semestral break, the longest break available in my school.  During my first semester for the second year, I was doing great.  Everything was in order for making the grade this year for me to become in the Dean's List, I was very excited.  This semester was very very difficult as well for me but I was handling it my way and things were interesting anyway so I am able to do it. You would think then that I was finally on top of my game but then I was struck with a flu at the very VERY last week of the semester, the final's week.  I couldn't study because when I am at home, all I can do is lie down and sleep.  When I was taking the test, I couldn't even read and comprehend all the black marks they call letters.  In short, one and a half year of this stress without much of a break was difficult.  I felt alright and was doing great but my last week was inevitable.  I guess my dreams would fail this time.

That is when I woke up.  I haven't been sick for a long time.  I haven't been that sick where all I could do was sleep for a long time.  And here I am thinking that sickness doesn't exist in my system.  Why did it happen at the most important week of the semester? 

I still actually don't know the morale of all this.  Is there any?  You work very hard for something and then when its presentation time, you get hit.   Did God think it was funny?  Would He laugh or was he trying to teach me something that I am yet to figure out?  I don't blame Him though.  I might have been a little "workaholic" for school and didn't bother much with anything.  But that is what the sembreak is for right?  So I still don't get it.  I am not superwoman, I am only a woman.  And maybe, even if I'm not meant to become a DL in school until I graduate, maybe, something else is more important for me.

faster than what we realize

Life is, don't you think so too?

I might die tomorrow, I might die today, what is keeping me from preventing it to happen?  Why am I wasting time from preventing it to happen?  Isn't, as they say, life after death, better?  While God is with you eating, Jesus is there teaching and I can maybe fly.  Wouldn't it be better then?  Why would I fear death if I know life after death is better?

But do I really know for sure?  What do I know?

Even if it is true, how can I be sure that I'll go to that better life and not to the other?  It is quite sad actually that all through out your life, regardless of when you die, you've been trying to make life better for yourself and for the people that you love.  You go to school everyday, finish damn papers and battle with unexplainable teachers but then, the experience might be pointless in the end, wouldn't it?

But would you rather die having experience life than never at all?  Even though hell comes ones in a while, heaven comes more often, doesn't it?  There are the people I love, there is God, there is education, there is music, there are books, there is beauty.  There are moments in life that I choose that I never have passed through, but then, my experience thought me lessons.  You might say that whatever lesson I learn, I will still die, but then, I prefer to have learned a valuable lesson than not at all.

True, I sometimes want to die just to escape the present hardship I experience, but doesn't the fulfillment after the hardship feel much better?