love story

Have you watched the movie "Love Story", a 1970 film with the obvious topic, love?

It is a typical love story, but no matter how used the situation is, the story is still astonishing and could still make a person, especially me, shed a tear or two.  I was so sad after watching the movie.  You wouldn’t need spoilers because the very first sentence said in the story is "What would you say about a twenty-five years old who just died?" or something like that.  The novel has the exact same first sentence.  The guy is a rich jock who meets a poor smart girl, isn’t it typical then?  Then of course, the girl dies.

Happily, even though the film wasn’t really straight from the book, of all the films and books I’ve watched and read, this is the most loyal to the book.  Why?  Because the book and the film was made at the exact same year.

Both are easy to comprehend and the plot is very very simple.  It shows the struggle the two characters experience from family, poverty and sickness.  Amidst all the complications that they experience, they would always find assurance and of course, love, with each other.  What title then could possibly be better than "Love Story"?

As I said earlier, I was too sad after watching the movie.  I was watching the movie yesterday, Saturday afternoon, and alone.  I wasn’t sad because the female lead died, it is part of the sympathy you can give the characters, I was actually sad because, it is fictional.  It is here then that I rant about love and the absurdity that comes with it.  I’m too young to actually look for love.  I’m too busy for school, family and friends to bother with another crisis in my life.  But then, wouldn’t you always wish that someone perfect is out there?  Could this be just the effect of reading and watching too many romance storyline that I wish for the unrealistic?

About 4 years ago, I wished upon the stars a sign to meet the perfect person for me.  The sign is that the man destined to be for me will sing, dedicate or play this beloved song (that of course I wouldn’t mention) for me and when that certain person sing, dedicate or play this song, I would know that he is my soulmate, a match made from heaven, my destiny and my fate. 

Really, it is absurd.  I got the idea from the movie "Practical Magic" where Sandra Bullock’s character, a witch, made an incantation when she was young that a certain man whom she would love and marry would not die because she is a witch.  Every witches’ husband dies because the man is not of magic, but then a certain man for her wouldn’t.  She made a sign that the man would bear green and blue eyes and so forth which in the end she met and ended up loving.

Can that be true for me? 

in the verge is detrimental

it is always

once something breaks, it breaks hard.

it is never 

once something works, it works well.

why? 

enlightenment, then gone

Isn't it funny that at the very moment you thought that you've done everything completely and finished everything, you thought that you finally have a chance to breathe, and you thought that all the world is right again, something, out of demise, would suddenly rush in, ruining the very moment you felt relaxed.  Then again, maybe that very moment wasn't even real because something was waiting to destroy that moment, just so happens that the timing wasn't really perfect.  Maybe that moment of brief relaxation and mind stillness wasn't suppose to happen and the destruction was just a little too late to make its announcement making you believe that such a moment did exist; disappointing.

Does that make any sense?

And it seems that the only thing that is at fault with the whole situation is yourself, for allowing yourself to believe that there is a possibility to find even a moment of peace while we live on earth.  True, that sometimes, monks might experience such moments, but not someone like me.

flaw

People are hypocritical.  My friends, my family, the government, professors, and sometimes even the church could be hypocritical.  I consider myself hypocritical.  Don't you consider yourself hypocritical?

One supposedly quiet afternoon, I was hanging out with my "friends".  All of a sudden, someone complained.  She was complaining about someone who kept on complaining and annoyed the hell out of her.  Isn't that a bit hypocritical, I murmured to myself.   She was deliberatly setting out a grudge against a complaining person when she herself was complaining.  And I am hypocritical myself because right now, am I not complaining?

Isn't it funny that when you dislike a person all you could see are their flaws?  No matter how many positive sides he/she does and how sympathetic and kind he/she could be, wouldn't her flaws be the one that would capture your attention?  My "friend" only sees my flaws, and I only see her flaw.  We are both hypocritical then, aren't we?

I have a pet peeve.  I hate it when people don't think before they speak?  They would, unknowing and deprived of all their supposed intelligence, say something idiotic.  Isn't it annoying then?  A person would comment or ask or say something that even a monkey of low intelligence would think of.  It is indeed annoying.  And having to face such people every waking day is like living in a convention of half listeners, they wouldn't really hear what you are saying, and in order to look like they are, they would say something without giving it much thought.  Annoying.

Since I confess that indeed I am a hypocrite, I do blunt out things that doesn't make any sense at all.  However, I do it at least once a month that the consistency of it is irrelevant to the people around me.

What more?  I am a supposed pro-Filipino "activist".  I am against everyone leaving this beloved country and I feel obliged to at least make a step on each and every province situated in this forsaken country.  I love our food, our culture and our people.  What makes me a hypocrite then?  When I signed up for this blog space, I thought it was international, global, when I stupidly didn't recognize the ".ph" in the address.  I want to change blogs instantly, because I was writing for Filipinos only and my using of the English language is kind of stupid then.  But then again, I am writing for the Filipinos, even though I might not represent the Filipinos nor do I care if anyone is actually reading this.  I made this blog mainly because I want something secret for myself then, that the possible readers might not know who I am and some might actually relate to this.  I want to get away from my all-knowing company from multiply and friendster, thus, undertheaquasketch.i.ph is born.  I might have wanted to delete this blog when I found out it is merely local but then, I am a local, aren't I?

******

Flawless

Then behold, I shall write:

Perfection

The word should not be written

Less should it as much

Exist

God equates.

And only does the word

Might possibly exist. 

fate beyond reason

Why am I bestowed upon with a pre-determined fate?

I ask this to myself all the time.   School is getting harder by the minute, and my effort to try and become an active member of my organization is difficult to do since school, of course, is my main priority.  However, this does not dissolve the fact that I can not change my fate.  What happens to free will then?  I feel that all external forces is against me and that I can not do anything about it but try to make the best out of it.  If I am in control with the situations, I would have prevented things to pile up, but no.  Professors always want group projects, and group projects consists of different people, and different people have different perceptions resulting to a chaotic mountain of opposing beliefs or system.

If only I can make things go my way, wouldn't it be better?

Life is pretty tough, and for an 18 year old like me to handle this much pressure is beyond reason.  Maybe if I try to sustain my mediocre life similar to high school, everything might be easier, would it?  But then, when you are done with the day and everything is at peace, would it have been this much satisfying?

The idea of finishing a mountain of work, balancing it with personal and extra-curricular activities, is actually truley and innately more satisfying.

Four more weeks……I can do it.ü

shallow

I sly away in contempt.

They do not see me.

I don't need to even try

to disappear.

And I see all these

images.

I've set foot again,

desperate to escape

from the predetermined fate

I was bestowed upon with.

The steel metal bar 

holds grudges.

I try not to glance. 

******

This is my first post.  No one will even look at it. But I feel compelled to write.

That is why my blog is entitled "ephemerality". Everything is temporary. Maybe.